6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
