I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
