I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
