It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
