So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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