drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
