I hate all girls vehemently.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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