I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
