My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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