I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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