ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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