I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I understand Curling. That high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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