dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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