So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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