Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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