guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
