I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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