she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
