not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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