I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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