On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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