so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she looked like the before picture.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
