Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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