I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
