you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
