I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
