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It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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