You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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