saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
