I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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