his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
