You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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