I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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