is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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