You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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