I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
