What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
