Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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