So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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