Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
