so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
