so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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