Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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