they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
