i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize