dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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