I love black thongs
I hope mine doesn't look like that
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
