I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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