New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
