At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
