I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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