I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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