I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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