id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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