So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
