just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
