She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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