It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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