My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
