he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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