i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
