Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
