the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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