just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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