the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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